Experience as a Teacher
Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
-Albert Einstein-
The above quote pretty much sums up the reason why we should use experience as our teacher. Of course, the statement makes sense to us; however, when we think of this quote, we typically apply it to others rather than ourselves. We need to realize that it is likely we are not so different from others in this regard. If we put our hand into a fire, the result will be a burn, so it is something we may do once, but it is unlikely we will do so consciously again. The reason is the act and its consequences are easily discernable. On the other hand, causal connections among our thoughts, actions and outcomes is difficult to discern. That is to say, that it is very hard to perceive a connection between our thoughts and particular experiences or outcomes in our lives. Indeed, many would argue that there is no connection, they would be wrong.
We do learn from every experience, though we are not necessarily consciously aware of what we learned. In fact, we are typically unaware that our rational mind continually makes adjustments to avoid issues or mitigate them in some fashion. These can happen subtly, and go unnoticed for years if noticed at all. If we do not notice them, we cannot know what led to our making them. The challenge in relating events to our own thoughts, beliefs or feelings is a consequence of our lack of understanding of our own nature and the almost impossible complexity of our rational mind.
A person might wonder, for example, why some people seem to sail through life while others attract abusive friendships or relationships even when they have taken the time to learn more about someone before entering a relationship. All indications may have been that they are nice people, have no background of abuse or violence yet they turn out as others have. The person is left to wonder why this is the case. Such a person may blame himself or herself, they may wonder if they will ever find someone nice. The fact is that they are attracting the experience to learn something, even if they do not know what that something is or how they are doing so. These experiences are a learning tool, and we can either complain or blame, which may make us feel better at the time but does nothing to help us understand or change the situation.
In the above case, our experiences were clearly telling us something about ourselves. When we continue to have certain types of experiences there is something in us that is attracting it. In such a case, it is not likely that something obvious like self-esteem or self-loathing is causing the problem; it could be a belief that is setting up the pattern of abuse. Then the question becomes which belief(s)? We can only determine what that “something” is by learning more about ourselves.
I learned a very valuable lesson early on in my life. At the time, I allowed myself to become involved with people mired in lower vibrations. The inevitable occurred; one of these people who called themselves my friend assaulted me. I was just starting out on my path at the time and distinctly remember my feelings. Yes, I was hurt, angry and a little scared, but more fundamental than that, I realized that I had put myself in that situation and could not blame the person for being who they are. This awareness tempered my thoughts, feelings and actions. I did not allow my feelings to rule and decide my next course of action for me. I did not strike back, nor did I stay where I was. Instead, I accepted my responsibility in the assault and asked myself this simple question, “Why was I there to be assaulted in the first place?” I did not resolve the issue completely at that time; however, by accepting my responsibility in it I was well on the way to doing so.
Our lives tell us plenty about ourselves. What is your life telling you? What types of issues or problems are you having? What is blocking you from feeling balanced and whole? Is there something that life seems to place before you that you have resisted, for whatever reason? Which ones, of your qualities or traits, are keeping you where you are?
In my case, the change was not just different friends for that would have been avoiding the issue. The change I needed to make was within me. I had to examine what attracted me to that group and one thing I found was that blaming my circumstances on a harsh upbringing had given me permission to avoid responsibility. Blame led to self-pity, which in turn led to more blame and feelings of guilt for not being what I felt I could be. Further, that same upbringing had weakened many aspects related to self-esteem. In this case, I recognized and accepted my culpability in the situation and set myself to figuring out what I needed to work on. I also took advantage of the realization that my harsh bringing had also empowered me. It brought out perseverance and a strong sense of self despite my self-esteem issues. Once my body healed, I made a clean break and moved half way across the country.
My problems were not resolved because I moved. They were resolved when I changed my relationship to the world around me. I was no longer the victim of a belligerent parent or abusive people; I was the author of my own choices. I had taken a big step forward and found myself seeing the world as a better place. I began to see the light not the darkness, and when I saw darkness, my view was more objective, less judgmental. I was accepting responsibility for more and more of the choices in my life, I began to value myself differently, and my life improved simply by recognizing that the issues I faced said more about me than about others. I found myself acting in life rather than reacting to it. I began to live more in the now than in languishing in future dreams or wallowing in the past. Amazingly enough the more I lived in the now the more my awareness grew.
So how can this story help you? First, see the importance of recognizing that we are the authors of our life and nothing happens by accident. Second, when we encounter issues accept that they are part of our path and do so by directing tough questions at ourselves rather than looking outwards and blaming others.
We have all heard the phrase “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me”. They only hurt when we allow it. When words hurt, it says as much or more about us than the person who said them. Sure, the person who spoke appears to have issues of his or her own, yet those issues are not our concern; we must focus on our own. I am not saying we should not care about their issues, merely that we cannot change them, we can only change ourselves.
If you feel hurt, or any negative emotion, because of something someone says then ask yourself why you feel this way rather than blaming them for your hurt feelings and focusing on why they would say such a thing and so on. Resolving the issue will mean those same words will not hurt you again. If you are not getting to where you think you should be in life then begin a dialogue with yourself. Ask yourself why you are experiencing what you are, ask why and how you are blocking yourself, or consider that what you think you need is not what you need at all.
Admittedly, this process can take time. Nonetheless, you will benefit by taking responsibility for being where you are and asking yourself questions even if you do not figure out the answer at the time. We should see these moments as excellent opportunities to correct an imbalance within us. This means seeing issues as lessons and opportunities rather than hardship or obstacles.
We have discussed ways to work on our thoughts, and that when we resist what is in our best interests we likely have thought constructs that are enabling this. The rational mind develops with all manner of inconsistencies and blocks such as these. The issues we face point them out their presence to us, and give us the opportunity to work on correcting them, should we choose to accept it. The answers you find may not resolve the problem completely or quickly; however, it will not likely be resolved at all unless you look within for answers. Accepting responsibility tells our rational mind that old thoughts are not sacred or sacrosanct. Thinking about and empowering our willingness to learn and grow creates a potent thought form.
The body of our rational mind is our thoughts, conscious or otherwise, hence this act results in the creation of thought forms that make it easier for us. It also helps eliminate those that restrict us. Pay attention to your reactions as you go through life. Try to notice when you feel odd, hurt, different, strange, apprehensive, nervous etc. and take a moment to consider why. When you do, you will begin to understand why you need not wait for a teacher to come to you if you learn to listen to your own life.
What we attract is a reflection of ourselves. If you want to learn, you must be genuine in your intent and honest in your acts. It is not sufficient for us to say we are doing this; we must be acting on our beliefs, it is not something that you can fake. It does not matter what you tell others or yourself, what matters is how you act in thought and deed. Only by actually working on growing and learning can you attract the experiences, including the people that will help you along the way.
© 2009 Allan Beveridge
